OZONE

At this present time, I am looking for to recruit people who can hang wallpaper. Anyone who has redecorated their homes recently, are urged to contact me at their earliest convenience [not the public one in sheep street] with a view to saving the world in one fell swoop.

This will be a purely voluntary enterprise and you undertake the venture in the knowledge you won't be paid because, very simply, I can't afford it, but you will have the knowledge and be proud to have contributed greatly to the saving of this planet, thus saving yourself, simple logistics really, however, I would ask that you bring along with you a few handy items; a pasting brush, the biggest you can find, oh, and some sandwiches and a flask of unsweetened tea, I'm starving, but not shrimp paste tho, urgh! And last but by no means least, all the paper you can possibly lay your hands on. Look in your attics. Ask your neighbours, if they decline, look in their attics. Raid the newspaper offices and newsagents and then the DIY store,they got loads. Bring as much paper as you can, this is a big big project, even waste paper is good, raid your neighbours trash cans and the local recycling plant, just bring paper...

Why? Well, for some time now, we have all been told to collect all our paper and not just to dispose of it in the normal formal manner just because it is biodegradable (for thickies that means it will break down under a natural process and become coal or oil in 20 million years) For thicker thickies, see yer Ma!!

As you probably know, paper is made from trees (you didn't know? Oh!) Well, the paper is being produced and wasted which then causes holes to appear and form in the ozone layer (and for thickies,that's not the multiplex In Oxford) in the sky and those holes are getting bigger with every page you wipe your a****, with every page you read with bad news on it each morning over your cornflakes. So, me being the hero I am, have hit on the idea of solving three problems at once. (Yes, I KNOW, I'm a bloody genius).One, is how to use up all the waste paper now being collected by men in frocks, sorry, trucks, which is then taken to a place and piled up in big piles of paper that no-one seems to know what to do with because there is just too much of it now. And two, how to ease the ecological problem and halting the ultra violet rays of the sun that now infiltrate our atmosphere, by simply filling in the holes that have appeared in the ozone layer, (yes, it's still in the sky). Oh, and three? Don't worry about that, saw my GP today and he gave me some cream for it...

So, what I intend, if I can get this project off the ground but judging by all that paper, it's gonna be a tall order, mind, if it's tall enough, perhaps we can stand on the order and do it that way. Anyway,the premise is to get all this paper and paste it up then stick it all in some gargantuan bowl with paste and create a humongous papier mache curtain. Then I intend to give all the volunteers a jolly good pasting, um, brush for those who have forgotten theirs or their Mum's needed a note to allow them to bring one, and a large bucket of paste each.

We will then fly them with the corresponding sections of the curtain to predestined parts of the world that have become deficient of ozone. All they have to do when they arrive, after a cuppa of course, is to paste their part of the curtain to the sky thus filling in the holes with a completely natural product that was probably the causation of the problem in the first place.

Anyway, lo! and behold! The world will have been saved and the mountains of unused paper will have been put to a far greater use than sitting there producing little bugs.

Yes, damn, I AM a genius!!!!!

© tcmoon 2011